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Who makes you laugh today?
Mostly books make me laugh. The last article that made me laugh was in The New Yorker. It was about these people who have to have animals with them all the time for their mental health. I cried I laughed so hard. If I got on a plane and there was an animal sitting next to me, I would be pissed. If you’re that damaged that you can’t go out without an animal, then stay home. I’m not talking seeing-eye dogs. That’s different.
What inspires you?
People whose lives I can’t understand. Right now, I very much follow the wife of the [Boston] bomber who died [Tamerian Tsarnaev]. She’s since remarried and had a baby. She had a baby? She’s kind of amazing to me. I’m following her – that’s the news story I’m most interested in.
So in that same vein, shouldn’t the people with their animals in The New Yorker inspire you?
No. I’m more radical than PETA. I think dogs should be off leash, running in packs and biting people, not at home in an S&M relationship. I think having a dog is cruel. You should just let them go…so they can live in packs…in Bucharest. They are wolves, aren’t they? They want to bite people. If I was a dog, I’d want to be in a wild pack in Detroit.
Moving away from roaming dogs, in today’s world of mega multiplexes, where can you see underground films?
There’s no such thing as underground films anymore. There’re not even midnight movies anymore. Now you put something on YouTube and you make a big name and you get a job at an advertising agency. I think The Human Centipede was the last movie that could have been underground – a midnight movie. Or maybe Tarnation was the last real underground movie. They are harder to come by. And these theaters. I don’t understand why people have to watch movies in stadium seating. I mean, if Ben Hur was playing, I guess. Otherwise I don’t get the appeal. I have a whole thing in my show about the movie theater I’d like to run called Sinema One. To me, the trailers now are warnings [laughs]. Every one is for the same movie, and they show all the scenes in order. You don’t have to see [the movie] because you’ve already seen the main shots. Even the money shot. It’s like having a porno coming attraction and showing the cum shots. You don’t need that. I’ve never allowed the final scene from Pink Flamingos to be used in any documentary or anything. That’s the money shot! And I get angry with young people who say they don’t want to see movies with subtitles. Or people who say, ‘Why would I pay to see a documentary?’ That really gets me crazy when I hear that. Then again, young people think all entertainment should be free…
You’ve served as a board member for the Maryland Film Festival and the Provincetown International Film Festival. What is the importance of film festivals in regards to indie flicks?
It’s a very social occasion in which everybody comes together and sees movies together, which people aren’t used to anymore. It’s a good place to see movies that otherwise would never come to your community. You get to see things first, before everybody else does. I’ve done my one-man show at many festivals, and I’ve been on the jury at Sundance [Film Festival] and Cannes [International Film Festival]. I like them. Now every town has one, which I think is good in a way. I don’t think it hurts anybody. It just strengthens the film community in each city. I think people are so used to watching things at home, and it’s different to be in a theater and see everyone reacting at the same time. But things aren’t going to go back to the way they used to me. Look, Pink Flamingos looks better the smallest you can watch it. You don’t need to see that in IMAX.
Do you still enjoy meeting your fans at festivals?
Oh, sure! I sign everything and take every cellphone picture. Are you kidding? They bought me my house. You have to meet your fans to know who they are and what they are like. There’s this trend at the book signings where people wait in line, they get to me and then the guy gets down on one knee and takes out a ring box and asks the girl to marry him. That’s happened three times at different locations. I don’t quite know why. Everyone cheers. Of course the girls say yeah. How mortifying if they said, ‘Are you kidding me? Are you crazy?’ That’s what I would say [laughs].
What’s the one question you’ve never been asked but always wanted to answer?
I don’t think there is one. I don’t have a burning message. I’ve had a career that’s been understood. I’ve had a career that’s been beyond anything I ever hoped for. The only question where I’ve even been mean is when people ask if I have a hobby. Then I’m mean. Because do I don’t look like a dabbler? I was recently asked if I ever wished I had a vagina. That took me by surprise. No one has asked me that before. No, is the answer, but I feel like asking that to every person now.
If you weren’t a filmmaker, what would you be?
I’d be a criminal defense lawyer for people who did the very worst stuff. It’s good theater, and somebody has to speak for the damned and the despised.
